Obscurities - O'Holy Night - [Fort Collins] - [Fine Art]+[Photographer]
Long before mama ever told me I was an alien I knew there was something wrong with me. But I wasn't green. I had no lengthy extremeties. I believed I had inverted horns. No one had to tell me, but Pastor Ron believed me to be the facet of evil which had been plaguing church members left and right. Fags, heathens, whores and aggressive women were finding there way into the church looking to Pastor Ron to cleanse them of their sins. The baptized waters of Lake Mary and a nice roll around on the stage of the church was where they would find redemption.
I knew I never needed to fall submissively onto the ground of the church. The devil in me wanted to remain there, as I could never fully feel him attempt to escape. I was not the extraterrestrial that mama wanted me to believe that I was. I knew that adopting someone must mean that the person was otherworldly. I had no horns on my head, and I had no animalistic features, but I knew there was a darkness in me and it was far more than the little green human that mama wanted to lead me to believe I was born as.
When Philip left the earth he cast a shroud upon me - not one which would sensor what was real and cover my eyes, but one which would draw me into the darkness. The shroud kept a vision rolling, like a movie on repeat, of Christmas Eve, 1996.
It was the sound of a gunshot that woke me. A gunshot which transformed Philip's once beautiful face into spaghetti and blood on the wall. This single shotgun shell jolted me from my bed. Perhaps Santa was real and he was here. Or worse: it could be Krampus. I can still feel the confusion as I looked at the wall, and Philip's lifeless body, which no longer appeared to be a human being. I can feel my sister reaching her hand out to my shoulder and rushing me into the weather which chilled me almost as much as what I had witnessed. I can feel the frost biting my bare feet. I can hear the tune, "O' Holy Night" playing in my ears and the sound of sirens off in the distance slowly closing in and transforming O' Holy Night into a series of inaudible, tuneless sounds.
I can feel the car ride with our aunt, and remember wondering if we would still open our presents on Christmas.
...We didn't open them. They were burned under the pretense that there was something sinister within one of those gifts that would cause Satan to make Philip do this.
I learned later on that it was not the devil who caused this. The devil is what kept him going. It was God who did this. It was God who convinced Philip of his abominable qualities. It was the devil who taught him he was more like a human. It was this same devil who offered to transform my soul into one of compassion and destruction rather than one of repentance and fear. I was not an abomination, nor was Philip. We were simply devils disguised as humans.